How do you say 'Egads' in Spanish?

I'm not sure how much I'll be able to post in the next few weeks; I have to hit the Spanish books, hard. I'd like to hit them so hard that they smash into little pieces - then I'll have an excuse not to study them, but even I'll admit the chances of that are pretty slim.

There are a few things I've learned about the Spanish language during my last 7 1/2 weeks of studying; I thought I'd share them with you.

1. Everything has sex. Everything is classified as either masculine or feminine. It's like a big gay bar of nouns. So, weddings are feminine, but supermarkets are masculine. Oddly, tampons are masculine and scratching your crotch is feminine. You may not have heard of this rule, because I just made it up.

2. Words are hard. It's hard to memorize all these nouns. Sometimes see Spanish written, all the words seem like simple variations on English. That's a load of hooey. (note: there is no Spanish word for hooey.) So, while 'hero' is translated as 'heroe', 'key' is 'llave'. I also quickly learned that "volverse loco" is the infinitive verb form of "to go crazy."

3. Every verb has 843 forms, 843 of which you will not remember when the professor calls on you in class.

4. Maybe old dogs really can't learn new tricks.