Monday, April 25, 2005

Quick to Judge? Good!

I'll admit it. I'm a snob.

There are things that people do, say or live in that make me cringe. I had a regular cringe-fest while reading a recent Washington Post article.

You may be a snob, too! I've selflessly put together this handy-dandy test to tell. Give yourself one point for each of the following quotes - all taken from that Post article - that make you cringe (muttering "My God" under your breath counts.) Scoring follows.

To Bypass Ban, Relatives Wed in [Maryland] After Years of Seeking Acceptance
He also knew, even as a mere lad of 14, that this never would be just any romance, because the object of that rapturous gaze happened to be his cousin Eleanor.
They knew their attraction -- she had felt it, too -- was taboo, and they kept it more or less a secret. That is, until last month, when they decided it was time to marry.
... such groups as Cousins United to Defeat Discriminating Laws Through Education (C.U.D.D.L.E.)
Friends dredged up Bible passages to scold them.
They settled down in their blue-and-white mobile home ...
... with three dogs, a cat, two guinea pigs named Beavis and Butt-Head, and an iguana that loves to eat kiwi.
Andrews collects disability payments from the government.
Amrhein works at the courtesy desk at Wal-Mart.
"I tell people I married her for the health benefits and the Wal-Mart discount card," Andrews said, only half-joking.
They agree to disagree on other things. He smokes Jacks 100's; she prefers Marlboros.
He gushes at the thought of walking into Red Lobster and picking out the plumpest one in the tank.
... don't ask her about eating groundhog. "It smells like a pork chop frying. Tastes like chicken," he said, helpfully.
Six years ago, he proposed to her at the jewelry case in Wal-Mart


Staff researchers Magda Jean-Louis and Bobbye Pratt contributed to this report.

1 - 3 Cringes: You are fine. Obviously, you cannot read the English language.

4 - 6 Cringes: I should have been more clear. You can use fingers on both hands to count.

7 - 9 Cringes: Your thirteenth summer, the old couch out in the garage, a slight summer wind keeping the stifling humidity at bay ... you and cousin Pat play tonsil hockey. Am I right?

10 - 12 Cringes: Close. Please be more judgmental in the future. Remember, if you don't understand it, it's wrong. Watch the 700 Club for quick pointers.

13 - 15 Cringes: Ahhhh. Feel the mental and social superiority pulsing within your veins? Feels good, doesn't it? Enjoy that feeling until the next time you read a glossy magazine and realize you're at least six months behind on culture, shopping & music.

16 Cringes: Bitch.


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