Friday, March 18, 2005

Shooting Up ... with Fun!

Let the photo to the right be a warning to all you sporty men out there. Not only will steroids shrink your balls, make you aggressive, make you retain water and ruin your liver; they will make you look old as shit.

I wish I could get a bit more into the current steroid talks on Capitol Hill, but I just don't have it in me (steroids or empathy). I've never been that much into sports, as opposed to some freaks, and let's face it; it was a lot of fun to watch McGuire hit a few zingers.

Why ban steroids? We all know some athletes are using them, but they know they're risking their own life and possibly the life of their unborn children.

As an added bonus, athletes are more entertaining when they're hopped up on the ol' 'roid balls.

However, steroids should still be strictly banned from the Olympics. The entertainment value there comes from the 4,387 "personal" stories that the network plays for emotion every time any athlete is about to perform. Who knew the hardship endured by curling champions? I feel the need to weep before they whip out that broom.

Maybe I'm just bitter when it comes to sports. The only sport I truly enjoy watching in person to was cancelled this year - due to NHL dopes. Then again, any sporting event that features an easily accessible beer stand can't be all bad.

So, it's very exciting that the Nationals will be playing baseball in DC. I can hardly wait to experience the inebriati ... err... exhilaration!


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