Wednesday, March 09, 2005

A Pedestrian Affair

I walk to and from work every day. After having done this for a few years, I've come to appreciate some of the aspects: it's wonderful to get that much fresh air every day, it's easy to get a nice tan on my face during the summer, and it gives me time to clear my head before, and after, work.

With the good comes the bad. Things to keep in mind when you're driving:

  • When the light is green and you are turning right or left, the pedestrian has the right of way. Honking, giving dirty looks, smacking your steering wheel or your wife will not change this fact. However, funny hand gestures amuse me. Thanks.

  • An amber light is not symbolic for "fill up the intersection with cars" DC has started putting up large "DON'T BLOCK THE BOX" signs. They work as well as abstinence pledges from Lindsay Lohan.

  • When it is snowing, raining, really cold or really windy - give the pedestrian the right of way at a stop sign, even if you got there first. You are in a mostytoasty warm car. Motorcyclists may give us the finger and cut us off.

  • Take that cell phone and shove it up your ass.

  • If it is snowy and icy - and you do not know how to drive in winter weather - please take to the roads. The look on your face is priceless.

    Other pedestrians - you're not off the hook:

  • The middle of the sidewalk is not the best place to stop and rummage around in your purse/briefcase/bookbag. Unless you want me looking over your shoulder and commenting on the contents. (mmmm...nice briefs.)

  • Save the golf umbrellas for lightning strikes on the course.

  • If you're shorter than 5'5", the ends of your umbrella are at the eye level of us taller folks. By not moving it out of the way when I pass you stay dry, but I sure wish I still had depth perception.

  • Never use an umbrella during a light snowfall. It's just geeky.

  • If there are more than two people in your party, you may find that walking in one big horizontal line is not the best idea. This isn't the opening credits of "The Monkees," pair off and move out of the way.

  • Take that cell phone and shove it up your ass.

  • As you can see, these are simple requests that anyone could follow. I encourage you to comment - adding new rules I may not have mentioned. Together we can make the world a better place.

    Complaints are also welcome. Shove it up your ass.


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