Why I love D.C., a Play in 20 Acts.

1. I can afford to live in the city I work in.

2. No pesky movie shoots cluttering up the sidewalks.

3. I can give Dick Cheney the finger IN PERSON.

4. They corral political types into one area of town, where they can do the least amount of harm.

5. "Why are you late for work?" "Sorry, Motorcade!"

6. Helicopters flying overhead at all hours of the day and night soon lends a sense of security.

7. I walk to and from work every day.

8. Cabs on the zone system drives tourists crazy, but saves us locals money.

9. The look in people's faces when you introduce them to the DC that lies beyond the mall and the Smithsonian.

10. Monuments at night.

11. Metro.

12. Cherry Blossoms, and the false fact that it's "snowing" in April.

13. Snowstorms producing only three inches = no work!

14. The Walk/Don't Walk signs have those little count-down timers so you know exactly how long you have to dash across the street before being run down by a foreign car.

15. None of that pesky asking people what they do for a living - they're a lawyer.

16. Anger at the government can be alleviated by shouting at the actual White House. [... and your Marriage Amendment idea is FUCKED UP!]

17. The Fourth of July.

18. Interns!

19. Bars and clubs feel they have something to prove = excellent drink specials.

20. Did I mention flipping off Dick Cheney?