Kill.. My... Television?

How can I possibly have over seventy channels to choose from, and there is still nothing on television? Cable television is a testament to the ingenuity and the heterogeneous nature of the country.

However, the programming on those channels is a testament to the sheer bulk of half-assed movies, uninteresting series and infomercials that America produces. [and not even those interesting sandwich cooker ones - evil "make money now! I'll show you how!" ones.]

A few notes for the multiple number of television executives that read my blog:

Eight words I never want to hear: Next, a full hour of That 70's Show!

Look at this Sunday afternoon wasteland! Place strong programming on and clean-up in the ratings for that (admittedly not highly watched) time period.

We're going to get really sick of Martha Stewart - really fast. Maybe a daily show plus a reality show along with her magazine, nationally syndicated newspaper column and constant coverage on cable news was not the best idea.

Discovery Channel: I must have missed the press release that announced your change over to "all motorcycle/car build/repair shows all-the-time." I know it pulls in your biggest rating - it doesn't mean you have to devote half of your schedule to it. TLC did that with Trading Spaces, and they are paying for it now that the ratings for that show - and its umpteen repeats throughout the week - have dropped.

USA: Stop making your own movies. "Tornado" really was a natural disaster.

The Hallmark Channel: Do we really need to see four hours of Matlock in a row? Can anyone take that many seersucker suits in one sitting? (try saying that five times fast.)

MSNBC: There's no doubt why FOX News and CNN are bitch smacking you in the ratings - for one thing, they stay live on the weekends, and you bombard us with 847 repeats of Headliners and Legends. Repeats that are so old, by the way, that they feature Matt Lauer when he still had hair.

Law & Order: No more attractive, young, rich plaintiffs. We hate them - and we hate you for hiring them. Also, stop depending on "ripped from the headlines" for your plot lines - think for yourself once in awhile.

Fear Factor: You producers need to.... oh, why bother. Some things are a lost cause.