Cheap Shot

A good friend and I trade e-mails back and forth almost every day. It keeps me smiling during the day - and allows us to consider and meditate on the important things in life.

Sometimes these conversations go on for days. I've decided to put one up here because I'm lazyI think it's very interesting! The names have been changed to protect the guilty. I can admit that I am C.G.

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Wednesday, May 11, 2005 1:19 PM
To: L.V.
Subject: egads

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7761678/site/newsweek/

Depew didn't even make the top *1000*

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Wednesday, May 11, 2005 2:09 PM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

Yeah but did any schools around here?? Silly booboo!

Dude, I just got your [phone] message yesterday.

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Wednesday, May 11, 2005 2:05 PM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

Clarence did, Amherst did, Williamsville did....

I just wanted to be sure you were OK after your Canada Adventure. [Travelling to Canada on an errand]

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Wednesday, May 11, 2005 3:01 PM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

Yeah, those schools have a bunch of snooty rich kids in attendance.

So dude, how about I still don't have my cap and gown. I think I'm going to leave now and get it, head home and then come back (we have two focus groups this evening, one at 6, one at 8.) I should be done at 10 - how about that bullshit.

How are you?

Canadian adventure was fine, except the EZPass threw me off, you can use the American EZpass there which I find very odd. I got in the lane and wanted to pay and the man was a real dick about it. I told him screw you, I'm AMERICAN!

JK

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Wednesday, May 11, 2005 3:00 PM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

That's total bullshit!
I can't pick up my cap and gown until a week from today - but that makes sense, mine is a week later.

Are you wicked excited about graduation?

Are the focus groups for school?! When are you DONE with that SHIT?!

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Thursday, May 12, 2005 9:38 AM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

Wait, so everyone is going to be getting their caps and gowns from Wednesday to Friday? Dude can you say line?

They had commencement kickoff on April 13th but I was in Vegas, and I think that's dumb anyway cause it's not like there was a bonus to doing that. Yesterday I Just went and got the cap and gown and we had to buy the hood for an additional 35 bucks. They really screw you! I'm
really excited about it now that I have it, I tried it on last night and I felt all scholarly! Almost makes me want to go back for more!

Almost

The focus groups were for work - school is done, I handed in my last paper on Thursday. Hope I passed...haha

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Thursday, May 12, 2005 9:30 AM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

My cap and gown costs something like 70 dollars.

But that was in addition to the $100 "processing" fee for them to get me my diploma.

They screw you any way they can.

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Thursday, May 12, 2005 10:21 AM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

Isn't that BULL??? They had this package where you could buy graduation announcements and I'm like dude, why bother, I'm taking an ad in the post.

I can't believe it. You know what - for this money we should wear them all weekend...

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Thursday, May 12, 2005 9:37 AM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

Well, I have to say it was cool, with the tickets to the ceremony on the Ellipse, they actually gave us 10 invitations/announcements. Of course, there was a brochure in there for buying more "at a significant discount". Yeah, like $5 each yaw stupid jerks.

Also way overpriced? Diploma frames.

Also? Anything at the school bookstore.

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Thursday, May 12, 2005 10:33 AM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

YES! They had these Buff State Blankets which I was like "Oh, nice" they were the sweatshirt material. They were 30 bucks. I was like UM NO!

And the diploma cover I said NO - I'm getting that baby FRAMED! It's going on my wall!

Do you have enough tickets? 10 dones't seem like enough for your gang!

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Thursday, May 12, 2005 9:47 AM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

Our diploma cover came with the thing, but the frames are wicked expensive.

It's not enough - I'm using connections to get 6 more to the business school graduation and 8 more to the ellipse ceremony..

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Thursday, May 12, 2005 10:40 AM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

You are so funny - connections! I only needed three tickets. I'm sad.

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Thursday, May 12, 2005 9:55 AM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

What about [other peoples that might go].

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Thursday, May 12, 2005 11:06 AM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

Please... [other people are] much too busy to bother with me.

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Friday, May 13, 2005 11:36 AM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

That sucks donkey dick.

In other news, Jennifer Garner? Say goodbye to your fucking career.

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Friday, May 13, 2005 12:26 PM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

Omg - is it really true?

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Friday, May 13, 2005 11:56 AM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

First the engagement to Ben Affleck - (that's a bad sign right there) And THEN we find out she's already 3 months preggers...

*flush*
ooooohhh.. there goes her career.

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Friday, May 13, 2005 1:37 PM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

Yeah but is it really true????

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Friday, May 13, 2005 1:31 PM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

I think it is.

You going to the Vartan movie tonight? [Monster in Law]

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Friday, May 13, 2005 2:19 PM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

OF COURSE!

Me and my friend Rob are going and I sent this picture (I'm attaching it here too) and he goes "she better get her hands off our man," and I was like damned straight!

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Friday, May 13, 2005 2:42 PM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

He's got nice forearms.

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Friday, May 13, 2005 3:33 PM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

I know!

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Friday, May 13, 2005 2:46 PM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

Forearms are really important.
Your hands are attached to them.

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Friday, May 13, 2005 3:44 PM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

Hahaha - you are so funny.....

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Friday, May 13, 2005 3:06 PM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

He's hot and all...and he's got the forearm thing going on, but I
dunno...

He's no jake gyllenhaal.

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Friday, May 13, 2005 4:19 PM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

Oh good lord...did you even see the day after tomorrow? Yeah, let's burn these books, that'll produce a nice hot flame. Not as hot as say, burning these tables and chairs, but they books will do....

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Friday, May 13, 2005 3:44 PM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

I said he was hot, not his scripts. (but apparently his books)

I doubt Vartan was psyched up about his stint in The Pallbearer.

:P

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Saturday, May 14, 2005 8:33 PM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

Are you telling me you SAW the pallbearer? LOSER!!!!!!

I went last night to monster in law - he's so hot!

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Monday, May 16, 2005 9:36 AM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

Any full frontal nudity?

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Monday, May 16, 2005 11:23 AM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

No but he was running shirtless and he's just so cute (his face!)

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Monday, May 16, 2005 10:36 AM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

Eh, I'll wait for the DVD.

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Monday, May 16, 2005 11:25 AM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

Oh yeah, don't go out and see it, it's not worth it unless you are a SF (Super Fan) of the MV.

But definately get it with your Netflix

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Monday, May 16, 2005 10:55 AM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

I'll put it on my list... So the movie itself is only so-so? That's a shame.

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Monday, May 16, 2005 12:05 PM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

It had some funny parts in the beginning, all the parts that weren't over shown in the previews, but then it got to be all the stuff you saw in the previews with the two of them (Jlo an Jfo) duking it out. That was ehhh...

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Monday, May 16, 2005 12:02 PM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

Jfo - that I like.

It's good to see her acting again - too bad she picked this movie. How was Wanda Sykes? I love her...

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Monday, May 16, 2005 12:54 PM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

Hilarious, she was hilarious.

The movie was OK for JFo - nice comeback...although there were a ton of close-ups and her face, whooo weee - she is getting OOOOOOLD!

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Monday, May 16, 2005 12:08 PM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

I believe she is 87.

I love me some Wanda Sykes! She was live here last year and I could NOT stop laughing! So dirty, but SO FUCKING FUNNY!

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Monday, May 16, 2005 12:58 PM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

OMG I would love to see her live - she's fucking hilarious!!!!

Yes, I think 87 or 88. You can tell around her mouth.

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Monday, May 16, 2005 1:27 PM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

She needs some of that lip injection

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Monday, May 16, 2005 3:00 PM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

Botox!

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Monday, May 16, 2005 2:41 PM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

Collagen!

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Monday, May 16, 2005 3:48 PM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

YEAH!!!!!!! You are so smart!!!!

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Monday, May 16, 2005 3:30 PM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

Hell, give her both.

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Monday, May 16, 2005 4:25 PM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

Dude, you'll be saying an Amen to that after you see the movie!

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Monday, May 16, 2005 4:18 PM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

Well, she is 103.

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 8:10 AM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa

You are so damned funny.

When are you parents getting there?? [into town]

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 9:40 AM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

Everyone gets here on Thursday.

Luckily, their arrivals are a bit spread out, otherwise I don't know what I'd do.

I honestly can not wait for them to get here, but I'm killing myself getting ready here. I have three, three! lists of things I either need to do or buy. (or clean)

Argh.

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 10:57 AM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

OMG that sucks!!!! Why is it that going on vaca, or planning for peeps is so much work????

Don't clean, Karen won't mind. Although she might say I asked you to do one thing Carl, one thing!

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 10:18 AM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

It's an interesting situation. I'm almost happy that Karen is coming, because it forces me to clean and organize or fix all those little things in the apartment that don't really bug me, but should be done anyway.

I won't have to worry about cleaning for a while, anyway.

It just would have been easier if it had come at a time when I'm not planning a dinner and confirming hotel rooms and making up goody bags. Oh yeah, and getting the gown and shit for the actual graduation too.

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 11:32 AM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

Why are you making up goody bags????

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 10:47 AM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

Oh, for people in their rooms. Some snacks, bottled water (water here sucks), sunscreen.. just to be nice. My mom is bringing some stuff down - I'm getting some of the food and such here...

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 11:38 AM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

You are so nice to do that!!!! I'd be like "here is a map to CVS"

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 11:19 AM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

LOL There is a CVS right down the street too!

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 1:07 PM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

Well you know what to do then if they run out of anything. Giddy up!

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 12:27 PM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

True dat.

I'm glad you had a good time with graduation. Did [attendee] make it in time?

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 1:18 PM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

[She] made it in time but [she] didn't go - [she] went out with friends.

Ass!

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 2:44 PM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

Total ASS!
I suppose the friends were graduating from Drunk University. They graduated Magum cum Liquor.

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 3:41 PM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

OMG this made me piss my pants laughing

You are so damned funny.

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 3:26 PM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

Sometimes I wish I could use e-mail exchanges as blog entries. I find writing a quick quip easier than a damn entry...

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From: L.V. [mailto:l.v.]
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 4:15 PM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

Well why don't you? Just copy and paste those babies! I did yesterday, when my friend told me that Katie's strategy on Survivor was to be a bitch and make fun of people...hahah

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 3:30 PM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

Actually, you're right... and look at this motherfucker ... it goes back DAYS...

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From: L.V.
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 4:19 PM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

Yeah but I wasn't very funny, I'll look like a loser....

I'll read it again.

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 3:50 PM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

Want me to change your name? I could make you Gina Lolabridgida.
Or [Voofah the Lava Queen].

(ooh ooh! What about Miss. X)

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From: L.V.
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 4:48 PM
To: C.G.
Subject: RE: egads

Yeah but I talk about people...if you remove those sections it's fine.. at least you look funny.

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From: C.G. [mailto:C.G.]
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 5:07 PM
To: L.V.
Subject: RE: egads

I'll make some strategic edits. I can't resist. Daily Kos should just do this.