Crapple

I couldn't resist. Such an attractive package - clear plastic separating each delicate piece of fruit. Who doesn't want to taste the future? Grapple (pronounced Grape-L) promised to "Look like an apple, taste like a grape."

Was this what years of biotechnology research had produced for human consumption? Scientists secreted deep below an apple orchard had tinkered with DNA and RNA and apple peels.

The lab looks something like the mutant scene from Alien 4 - full of failed attempts: orange-sized grapes, deformed apples, a chupacabra. Their work had succeeded, for a scant $5 for four apples (!), I enjoyed a fruit that smelled like a grape and tasted like a grape, yet was obviously an apple.

Oh huzzah! Welcome to the future! Could flying cars and cloned people be far behind? Instant teleportation from my apartment to work? I filled with glee.

Reality can be a harsh bitch. The facts at Grapplefruits.com deflated my happy balloon. Grapples are produced by immersing apples in a mixture of grape concentrate and water (you mean grape juice?) for a short period of time.

Marketing: 1, Scientific mutants: 0.