Saturday, May 27, 2006

To the people across the alley from my window ...

You spent over 800,000 on your row house, and it was empty for over 8 months while the entire inside was gutted and redone. You were going to have a beautiful house inside and out.

Then you sent men over today and you had them PAINT OVER THE NATURAL BRICK. In the process you've covered beautiful multicolored brick and brought out every flaw in the wall.

Is this just a primer? What lies in store for me? Pink? Purple? A mauve?

You suck you suck you suck you suck.

you suck.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Lights, Camera ...

The webpage for The CW has gone live. The CW is the recent merger of networks UPN and the WB. Whee!

Separate they were ... well ... not so good.

Once combined, I realize I'll be watching at least four shows regularly: Veronica Mars and Gilmore Girls on Tuesday, Everybody Hates Chris and Girlfriends (yes, GIRLFRIENDS, which, by the way, is heading into its seventh year) on Mondays.

Try and tell me that Tuesdays don't contain well over the daily recommended doses of sexy female (that's Kristen Bell of Veronica Mars on the right).

I can't name another broadcast network that will have me following four series at the outset of their season. Whether that should scare me, or make me happy ... I'm not quite sure.

Here's looking forward to the new season - and, please GOD - a name change.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

And he could speaka the english!

CNN deceided to ask people about Bush v. Clinton:

The poll of 1,021 adult Americans was conducted May 5-7 ...

Respondents favored Clinton by greater than 2-to-1 margins when asked who did a better job at handling the economy (63 percent Clinton, 26 percent Bush) and solving the problems of ordinary Americans (62 percent Clinton, 25 percent Bush).

On foreign affairs, the margin was 56 percent to 32 percent in Clinton's favor; on taxes, it was 51 percent to 35 percent for Clinton; and on handling natural disasters, it was 51 percent to 30 percent, also favoring Clinton.

Moreover, 59 percent said Bush has done more to divide the country, while only 27 percent said Clinton had.

When asked which man was more honest as president, poll respondents were more evenly divided, with the numbers -- 46 percent Clinton to 41 percent Bush -- falling within the poll's margin of error. The same was true for a question on handling national security: 46 percent said Clinton performed better; 42 percent picked Bush.


All we need is film of Bush saying "I did not wiretap those people ... Ms. American people..."

Friday, May 12, 2006


Mister President Bush:

Could you please respect us kitty's civil rights? Not keep track of our phone records?

Please stop using the idea of us gay kitties ruining marriage as a tactic to get conservative voters to the polls.

Please work for a fair solution for all the illegal kitties that are in the United States.

You seem to only be giving big kitty meow-mix refunds to the kitties that have the most meow-mix to begin with. How about some meow-mix for those kitties that go without? And some Pounce? We love Pounce.

Please keep an eye on the environment. We want clean litter boxes for our kittens and only one head on our mice.

Please listen to kitties that don't agree with you. I don't care for that strutting calico across the street, but I let her sniff at my butt.

Remember and help all the kitties in New Orleans.

Remember and help all the kitties in Iraq. Both the American kitties and the Iraqi kitties.

Remember and help all the kitties in Afghanistan.

Remember and help all the other kitties here at home that may not get enough meow-mix, attention or brushing. They need your help most of all.

It's time to meow with the kitties in Iran and North Korea, don't just smack at their heads with your paws. Sometimes when you sing a kitty song together you'll notice that you are in the same key after all.


[picture from Cute Overload - sorry to use one of your pictures in a political way, couldn't resist.]

Thursday, May 11, 2006


From Eugene Robinson's (very good) op-ed "An Easy Call: Lying": (Washington Post)

You'll recall that when it was revealed last year that the NSA was eavesdropping on phone calls and reading e-mails without first going to court for a warrant, the president said his "terrorist surveillance program" targeted international communications in which at least one party was overseas, and then only when at least one party was suspected of some terrorist involvement. Thus no one but terrorists had anything to worry about.

Not remotely true, it turns out, unless tens of millions of Americans are members of al-Qaeda sleeper cells -- evildoers who cleverly disguise their relentless plotting as sales calls, gossip sessions and votes for Elliott on "American Idol." (One implication, by the way, is that the NSA is able to know who got voted off "Idol" before Ryan Seacrest does.)

NOW will more people get pissed off??! Please?!

On a side note, now that Bush's approval ratings are below 30%, any chance he'll wipe that fucking smirk off his face?

Friday, May 05, 2006

My bitch dental hygenist gave me a fat lip.

When, exactly, do dental hygienists lose their souls?

Is there a class they are forced to attend in school? SoulSucking 101?

Know why there's no sitcoms about dental hygienists? Cuz they have no souls. (are you listening?)

After a regrettable absence, I decided to return to the dental fold. After jumping through some insurance hoops, I got an appointment. After such a long absence I was prepared for the worst ("Sorry, son, those will all have to come out. We'll replace them with these white lego bricks!")

The first three (three!) appointments were not bad at all. A quick check up and two tooth repairs. The office is a big believer in novocaine, and now, so am I. All those appointments were handled by dentists. Dentists are nice. Dentists don't eat babies.

Then. Today.

If your dentist ever recommends a "root planing/scaling," run. Run far! Run fast! Run like the wind! I thought it wouldn't be a problem - I received magic novocaine ( I should buy stock in a novocaine factory). The doctor administrated the shots, so that part of the visit was very good. They allow dentists to keep their souls. Souls and student loans.

Hygienists, no.

Funny fact. The word Hygienist is from the greek language and breaks up to "Hygien," which means person, and "ist," which means who wants to put you into a lot of pain and see you suffer while enjoying it and getting paid to do so - also you will have to act all nice to them when they are done lest they work on you again, remember your snippy attitude and cut your gums open with a box cutter. Those crazy Greeks.

Even with the blessed novocaine, root planings are painful. The bestest surprise came after the numbness wore off -half my lip is all swollen! I wouldn't be surprised if the hygienist punched me when I wasn't paying attention - you know, when I was balled up in pain in the chair going "UMPHGH ...UMPHGH." It's also possible she slipped me herpes. I didn't see an autoclave there.

But it's not even the procedure itself. It's the attitude while it's being done. Here's a clue: If you want me to turn my head, ask me! Don't just yank on my chin. It's similar to me asking you to please move so I can get by. You'll notice I don't just kick your ass down the escalator.

When you "accidentally" squirt my face with water, apologize. After all, it is your fault.

Man, I hope that was water.

While grinding a sharp metal hook against my gums, ripping open blood vessels, please don't talk about how I'll probably have to go to a gum specialist. Unless it's Dr. Juicy Fruit, I'm not interested.

Stop throwing my periodontal disease in my face. It's already in my face - lodged in my mouth.

Finally, when I tell you I brush and floss twice a day, don't give me that "yeah, right" look. Fact is, I DO brush and floss twice a day, no matter how your face contorts into a mask of disbelief. Give me advice I can use, a toothbrush with sparkly things in the handle and a little tube of toothpaste. Then release me from your dark, cold grasp.

50% co-pay, for this?