Intervention

Fanty (my ghost) is really trying not to drink, but it's not working. It's not easy when you feel the need to go into every store labeled "Spirits" because you think you'll meet friends. He ends up simply buying more Grey Goose vodka to avoid embarrassment.

It doesn't take him long to get into it. It's easy when you don't have to worry about work the next day, errands, or, well, anything really.

So Fanty dives in - sometimes before I get home from work and by the time I get home he's blotto. I'm not quite sure what to do, Alcoholics Anonymous doesn't exist on his spiritual plane.

I try to think of what Bill Cosby would have done in "Ghost Dad", but that movie sucked, so I try to stop thinking about it.

Ultimately, he starts flying around the room aimlessly, trying to avoid the ceiling fan and hitting on my afghan.

It doesn't work - the afghan is waiting for marriage.

I've tried looking for ghost/human relationship websites online, but I can't seem to find what I'm looking for.

Angels and ministers of grace defend us!
Be thou a spirit of health or goblin damn'd,
Bring with thee airs from heaven or blasts from hell,
Be thy intents wicked or charitable,
Thou comest in such a questionable shape
That I will speak to thee: I'll call thee Hamlet,
King, father, royal Dane: O, answer me!

- William Shakespeare, Hamlet

Damn it, Fanty!