The unExamined life ... has higher ad rates.

Tomorrow, Washington, D.C. gets a brand spanking new newspaper. The Examiner is on its way. Earlier this month, The AP detailed some format and curculation information:

The Washington Examiner, a tabloid, will replace three suburban newspapers that Anschutz's Clarity Media Group, bought from Journal Newspapers Inc. last year for an undisclosed sum.

The Examiner will be published Sunday through Friday and will tailor some news and opinion pages for residents in the District, suburban Maryland, and northern Virginia.

The company said home delivery will also be available in parts of Washington, a rarity for a free newspaper in a big media market. It is planning an initial daily circulation of about 260,000.

While in theory a new newspaper is a positive thing - it's estimated that the Examiner will force The Washington Post to lower its outrageous ad rates - it will depend upon the coverage. A cursory glance at the new webpage for The Examiner lists local news, sports and opinion.. even a "gossip" section, but no section for the arts.

This is disappointing, but not unexpected. Arts coverage from The Washington Post and The Washington Times combined doesn't equal the coverage from The New York Times. I had hoped that The Examiner might feature the arts prominently, and therefore force other local papers to increase their coverage.

And then magic fairies flew out of my ass and cleaned the sticky shelves in my fridge.

Purple fingers or no purple fingers

Is that the best verb you could think of, Washington Times? Honestly?

Heloise never mentioned this . . .

Bea Arthur makes me happy

Another fascinating trip down cable channel lane ... "Live" blogging on a Sunday Night. (The best night for TV - so they say.)

7:31pm - Fox - Malcolm In The Middle - This show is still producing new episodes? Who knew? Once Malcolm's voice changed, they should have stopped production.

7:38pm - TLC - Trading Spaces - I'm sure by now you've heard that the host of this show - Paige Davis - was fired by Discovery. The show is moving to a host-free format. I can't say I'm suprised, TLC has been shaking a lot of things up for the past few months.

It's amazing to me how far TLC has moved form its original format (Remember? it was The Learning Channel). Now unless you want to learn about how to piss off future homeowners by painting over wallpaper, how to "soup up" a car (featuring Sheryl Crow) or how Tide, Home Depot and Swiffer help to bring you your favorite shows I suggest you flip to a different channel. Of course, chances are that channel has a home decorating show on as well.

7:44pm - Discovery Health Channel - Face Eating Tumor - What is this, show names brought to you by the Weekly World News? Voted "Channel Most Likely to Make You Throw Up a Little In Your Mouth" by Entertainment Weekly!

7:49pm - ABC - America's Funniest Videos - Say what you will about this show - I hated it during the Bob Sagat incarnation - it's funny now. There's something about babies fighting that always makes me laugh. God Bless those fighting babies.

[A side note: I searched for a photo of fighting babies for this entry - why is it that *anything* I put into Google Image Search brings up a photo of a naked woman grabbing at her crotch first? That, or Paris Hilton. Well, even if I couldn't find the photo, the inclusion of "naked woman" and "Paris Hilton" should increase the visits to this page.]

7:55pm - VH1 - The 90's Part Deux: 1993 - Well, It's good to know Michael Ian Black is getting work.

I can't seem to find ANYTHING on television tonight. I blame my remote control - it can't be television executives letting me down, could it?

8:06pm - FOX - The Simpsons - So far so good tonight. This season has been, in strictly television industry technical terms, "eh". I feel sometimes like I'm watching it not because I want to, but due to force of habit.

8:27pm - AMC - Movie: Carrie - Plug it up! Plug it up! Plug it up! And thanks to AMC's no swearing-anytime policy, you can hear them yell "Shove it up your [dead air]!" If that doesn't show them, the commercials every 15 minutes will!

8:44pm - The Golden Girls - umm... on DVD. Finally! Something to watch!

Buster BUSTED!

EXCLUSIVE - MUST CREDIT APPRECIATE THE CHEESE

By now you've all heard about the "Sugartime!" controversy. As reported in The Washington Post and The Guardian, The U.S. Secretary of Education publicly denounced PBS for its planned airing of "Sugartime!" one of the episodes in its popular "Postcards From Buster" series for children. The episode depicted several lesbian parents within a 1/2 hour show.

PBS pulled the show - and all parties seemed satisfied. Coming right on the heels of a "Spongebob Square Pants is gay and will ruin our children" rant from Focus on the Family, everyone was also assured that Buster - a popular children's character from the "Arthur" series - was as straight as they come.

This photo - just discovered by AtC's research staff - proves that Buster's butch routine simply is not true. Just like Rock Hudson and Raymond Burr before him, Buster chooses to live within the closet - only rarely venturing out for a little homosexual libation. Oddly, it also seems to prove that Buster is much older than the 8 years he claims.

Seriously: Let the Secretary of Education know how ridiculous this situation is.

$100 increments only, please

The day after I start this blog this article comes out in The Washington Post about the multitude of ways to make money off of a blog. Well, I suppose I need people to READ AtC before I can make any money. Still, I think i'll put a logo on shot glasses and throw pillows at Cafepress.com. You can never have too many shot glasses or throw pillows.

My deepest apologies to The Who

Nice Hat, Jean-Claude

Blogs - actually the bloggers that run them - are constantly "live" blogging during specific live events. This happens often on Wonkette, Defamer & Gawker. But why should they have all the fun? And why should the event be live?

Ladies and Gentlemen - I give you the first [that I know of] live blogging session select TV stations on a Saturday Morning...

Lord Almighty Saturday morning TeeVee sucks.

11:15am - UPN - Infomercial - "use your home equity to buy new property, put effort and upgrades into it, and then lose your money and your house." Next up "poorhouse cuisine - made easy with the GrillBuddy(tm)!"

11:17am - The WB - Yu Gi Oh... or Poochie Yo or Foo Faa Lo [one of those "anime" children's shows] - I never understood these cartoons. I can't even tell if those are the characters' hairstyles or fancy hats - their hats contain their fighting power, right? What's that big green thing supposed to be?! Somone please tell me these are falling out of fashion...

11:18am - Univision - ? - It's good to know that when all other stations fail, Univision will gleefully provide my daily requirement of shirtless men.

11:25am - Style Network - Martha Stewart Living - The Big M is making tie-dye T-shirts. Unless she's squeezing the dye directly out of flowers and weaved those cotton T's herself on a large 18th century loom, she's losing her touch.

11:28am - Food Network - 30 minute meals with Rachel Ray. Sorry, I've had my fill of sweet perkiness for the day. This show was originally one hour long, but the network found that testing audiences expired from diabetes sugar-shock around the 50 minute mark.

11:35am - Univision - ? - just checking in.

11:40am - PAX Network - Infomercial: Hee Haw on DVD from TimeLife - remember people, THIS is also "moral values." Do we REALLY want a return to HeeHaw?!

11:41am - Comedy Central - Advertisement for Blue Collar TV - Come to think of it: HeeHaw + more profanity - fiberglass hay = Blue Collar TV. You have no one to blame but yourselves.

11:42am - USA Network - Movie: The Order - You have not lived until you've seen Jean-Claude Van Damme in the role of an amish man. Unless you've seen him role playing as an amish woman - then you've lived a bit too much.

"Does this religious disrespect make me look fat?"

11:45am - Univision - know what? I'm just going to watch this for a bit. Y'all have a good day.