Saturday, January 29, 2005

Nice Hat, Jean-Claude

Blogs - actually the bloggers that run them - are constantly "live" blogging during specific live events. This happens often on Wonkette, Defamer & Gawker. But why should they have all the fun? And why should the event be live?

Ladies and Gentlemen - I give you the first [that I know of] live blogging session select TV stations on a Saturday Morning...

Lord Almighty Saturday morning TeeVee sucks.

11:15am - UPN - Infomercial - "use your home equity to buy new property, put effort and upgrades into it, and then lose your money and your house." Next up "poorhouse cuisine - made easy with the GrillBuddy(tm)!"

11:17am - The WB - Yu Gi Oh... or Poochie Yo or Foo Faa Lo [one of those "anime" children's shows] - I never understood these cartoons. I can't even tell if those are the characters' hairstyles or fancy hats - their hats contain their fighting power, right? What's that big green thing supposed to be?! Somone please tell me these are falling out of fashion...

11:18am - Univision - ? - It's good to know that when all other stations fail, Univision will gleefully provide my daily requirement of shirtless men.

11:25am - Style Network - Martha Stewart Living - The Big M is making tie-dye T-shirts. Unless she's squeezing the dye directly out of flowers and weaved those cotton T's herself on a large 18th century loom, she's losing her touch.

11:28am - Food Network - 30 minute meals with Rachel Ray. Sorry, I've had my fill of sweet perkiness for the day. This show was originally one hour long, but the network found that testing audiences expired from diabetes sugar-shock around the 50 minute mark.

11:35am - Univision - ? - just checking in.

11:40am - PAX Network - Infomercial: Hee Haw on DVD from TimeLife - remember people, THIS is also "moral values." Do we REALLY want a return to HeeHaw?!

11:41am - Comedy Central - Advertisement for Blue Collar TV - Come to think of it: HeeHaw + more profanity - fiberglass hay = Blue Collar TV. You have no one to blame but yourselves.

11:42am - USA Network - Movie: The Order - You have not lived until you've seen Jean-Claude Van Damme in the role of an amish man. Unless you've seen him role playing as an amish woman - then you've lived a bit too much.

"Does this religious disrespect make me look fat?"

11:45am - Univision - know what? I'm just going to watch this for a bit. Y'all have a good day.


At 1/29/2005 4:22 PM, Blogger That Girl said...

I love it! Hopefully next time you can also review the toy commercials that pound the ears with their mind-numbing jingles and sales pitches. Toy commericals are the only ones that actually make urination an attractive feature in a product.

At 1/29/2005 6:15 PM, Blogger David Williamson said...

That looks wild!

Years back, I was telling a friend how much I'd enjoyed Amistad.
"Amish Dad??" he said.

Suddenly an idea for the greatest movie Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor never made was born.


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